Marriage Calling Heaven

This week our topic has to be marriage. Sheila and I are returning from a weekend, as I write this, where about 75 couples focused on putting more of Jesus into their relationships with each other.


This retreat was not normal fare, but a bit on the unusual side, fitting with the theme, “Lovin’ on the Edge.” At this retreat there were no expert speakers. No one who spoke was even in a paid ministry position.


Those attending heard from seven couples who work regular jobs including that of stay-at-home moms. Five of the couples have known their marriages at one time outside of Christ before they were disciples. All of them shared how much they needed help and answers before they decided to follow Jesus.


But let me tell you one thing they did not say and one more thing that they did say.

They did not say that after they became Christians it was like they had died and gone to heaven. No, they were all gut-level honest in acknowledging that after their new birth they still had marital challenges. They had times of anger, conflict, defeat, despair and more.

But here is the other thing they all said: They are so thankful to be Christians. But why, if they still have problems? In spite of the challenges they are so thankful to be following Jesus because (1) there is grace sufficient to deal with every failure, (2) there is truth to guide them back on to the path, and (3) there are friends and fellow citizens of God’s kingdom to help them see clearly and sort out their challenges.

In Christ, our marriages don’t always look like they were made in heaven, but there is never is a time when we aren’t getting help from heaven.

Focus Scriptures



Ephes. 5:24-33

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.



Ephes. 6:10-18

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

For the Purpose of Dying

A day or two ago I had some time to go and sit by a small lake and pray. After years of being able to pray at the ocean or the Merrimack River of Thoreau fame, I had just about given up on finding any water in my Tennessee town. Thanks to the generosity of a local children’s home with a private lake, I now have a spot to watch the sunlight shimmer on water again.


Across the lake, behind a line of bare trees, was another row that still was adorned in their fall colors. Their coats will be gone next week, but that day they blessed me. On the way home I drove down some quiet streets where some of their cousins were past their peak but still on the glorious side.


On one of the last days of another fabulous fall, my mind went back more than forty years. When I was dating a college sophomore who would later become my first wife, and my only wife, she wrote a good number of poems. One my favorites was about the brilliant colors of the fall season. It ended with these lines:


Nature is all ablaze
for the sole purpose of dying,
while man timidly retires
and clings tenaciously to life.


As usual, God’s creation teaches some great lessons and Sheila captured it poignantly. The trees are never more spectacular than when they are dying. And we are never more glorious than when we stop clinging tenaciously to our lives, and become the seed that falls into the ground and dies (John 12:24). Some of us are clinging to something. If we will only die, our life, our marriage or our ministry can be ablaze.

Focus Scripture

John 12:23-28

Jesus replied, "The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. [24] I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. [25] The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. [26] Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.

[27] "Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. [28] Father, glorify your name!"

Then a voice came from heaven, "I have glorified it, and will glorify it again."

Advice for the Overwhelmed

Some time ago a person seeking help shared with me feelings he routinely has when under stress. As needs pile up, he usually feels overwhelmed and almost paralyzed by thoughts that there is no way he can handle all that is on his plate. He is a hard-working, industrious person who cares for a lot of people, but inside, in those moments, there is a strong desire to run away and avoid the pressure.


Just in case there are some others of you who have times like this, let me tell you what I suggested.


First, recognize quickly when such feelings start coming on so you can respond appropriately.


Second, right in the middle of all those feelings, stop everything and pray. That was something this person had not been doing, but we should try nothing else until we have laid the facts and the feelings all before God.


Third, make a list of those things that seem so overwhelming. Prioritize them. This helps us look at manageable pieces instead of just feeling this ominous ill-defined cloud over us.


Fourth, talk over a plan with a friend and get his or her perspective. This brings wisdom. Plus not feeling alone makes a big difference.


Finally, break out of the paralysis by beginning to work through your list, praying as you go.


An overwhelming surge of needs can emotionally produce in us a desire to escape. But, by the grace of God, we can choose to see it as an opportunity—an opportunity to turn again to God, an opportunity to be humble and get help from others, an opportunity for our character to mature. That choice is an act of trust that reverses a negative cycle.

Focus Scripture

Psalm 31:10-15

My life is consumed by anguish
and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction,
and my bones grow weak.

11Because of all my enemies,
I am the utter contempt of my neighbors;
I am a dread to my friends--
those who see me on the street flee from me.

12I am forgotten by them as though I were dead;
I have become like broken pottery.
13For I hear the slander of many;
there is terror on every side;
they conspire against me
and plot to take my life.

14But I trust in you, O LORD;
I say, "You are my God."
15My times are in your hands;
deliver me from my enemies
and from those who pursue me.

More on "In His Steps"

Two weeks ago we looked at Peter’s famous statement that we are to follow in Jesus’ steps, and I said then that I wanted to come back to it for another look. In our first comments, we noted that in context the call is to respect, obedience, submission, suffering, and non-retaliation—all in our relationships with the authorities in our lives.

Peter is teaching us the Jesus’ principle that some have called “revolutionary subordination.” This may sound like some oxymoron leading you to just become a doormat for tyrannical and abusive people. In reality, it is living the kingdom of God on earth as it is in heaven and showing the world how God gets things done.

But while Jesus’ message calls us to a radical submission in most cases, it also calls us to disobedience in others. This is never disobedience to authorities for its own sake. It is a disobedience that grows out of our submission to the reign of God.

We should pay our taxes, show honor to the president, obey everything from the copyright laws to the speed limit, and always with a positive attitude as if we were obeying the Lord (think about that for a while), but when government says to do something opposite of the words of Jesus, we must disobey. In the midst of such a test, this same Peter said in Acts 5, "We must obey God rather than men! (v.29)

Christians will be to some, annoyingly respectful of authorities and laws, but at times regarded as unpatriotic and dangerous, and both of these because they live in a kingdom that is not of this world.

Focus Scriptures

Romans 12:18-13:2
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. 20On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."
21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. [2] Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.

Acts 4:17-20
17But to stop this thing from spreading any further among the people, we must warn these men to speak no longer to anyone in this name." 18Then they called them in again and commanded them not to speak or teach at all in the name of Jesus. 19But Peter and John replied, "Judge for yourselves whether it is right in God's sight to obey you rather than God. 20For we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard."

Acts 5:27-29
Having brought the apostles, they made them appear before the Sanhedrin to be questioned by the high priest. 28 "We gave you strict orders not to teach in this name," he said. "Yet you have filled Jerusalem with your teaching and are determined to make us guilty of this man's blood." 29Peter and the other apostles replied: "We must obey God rather than men!

Forward Thinking

All of us know much more about the past than we do about the future. When it comes to the future, we have plans, but the truth is we don’t know anything about what will happen. We don’t even know if we will be alive tomorrow.

Now when you know a lot about something and have many memories about it, and you know almost nothing about something else, you naturally focus on the things you know, be they good or bad. And likely, most of us even more naturally focus on the “bad”: disappointments and hurtful experiences.

But, God, as he often does, calls us to focus on something we do not naturally focus on. In this case, it is what lies ahead. God calls us to lay those past things aside and press on toward what lies ahead. This is a significant mind change.


But you may say “My problem is that I do focus on the future and worry about it.” Response? God doesn’t just call us to focus on the future, but to do it with the faith that he holds the future. There is one word for this: hope.


So you can focus on the past, hurts and all, and cook up a nasty stew. You can focus on the future with the eyes of an unbeliever and let worry eat you alive. Or you can look to the future with anticipation because of confidence in God.


We must decide how we want to live and choose our view.


Focus Scripture




Isaiah 43:18-19


"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
[19] See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.


Philip. 3:13-14


Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, [14] I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

In These Steps?

I preached yesterday on a familiar text in which Christians are called to follow in Jesus’ steps. Most believers know the passage, and it has given rise to such paraphernalia as the WWJD bracelets and tee shirts. Long before these, Charles Sheldon wrote a Christian classic with the title In His Steps.

What few seem to have taken the time to do is consider the context of the passage. It begins reminding believers that they are aliens and strangers in this world. They live by the principles of a kingdom that has come, but will come more fully. It calls them to an almost surprising course of action, and that is to demonstrate a great submissiveness to worldly kings, rulers and all those in authority.

On the one hand, Christians are citizens of heaven, and yet are called to submit to and obey the authorities that rule on earth. They are not to just do this legalistically but as part of a whole attitude of showing respect to everyone, loving the brotherhood and honoring the king (who, in the first century, just happened to be the infamous Nero). Peter even adds that slaves are to show this submissive spirit in relationship to harsh masters.

After praising those who will suffer unjustly because of their faith, often at the hands of these very government officials, he makes his famous statement: “To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps (1 Peter 2:21). “To this”—obedience, submission, suffering, and non-retaliation—we are called, because we are conscious of God. Hardly what some wearers of WWJD apparel are thinking much about.Please think about this real “mind change”and let’s talk about it more next week.

Focus Scripture:

1 Peter 2:11-25

Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. 12Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.

13Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, 14or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. 15For it is God's will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men. 16Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. 17Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.

18Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. 19For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. 20But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. 21To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.
22"He committed no sin,
and no deceit was found in his mouth."
23When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. 24He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. 25For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

Free Door

Driving through a neighborhood of rundown houses this week, I saw a large pile of dirt near the curb in front of one home (which by the way was for rent). Mixed in with the dark clay, in rather bizarre fashion, were sofas, chairs, plumbing fixtures and miscellaneous items. But what really got my attention was that on the front of the pile facing the street was a shabby door with the words “free door” spray-painted on it. If you think I am making this up, I am posting the photo on our new blog site.

Now call me desperate for analogies if you like, but the moment I saw it, I thought of something I wanted to share with you. Sometimes our circumstances are a real mess—about as attractive as that pile I saw. Things appear to be chaotic or depressing. But right in the middle of it all God has posted a sign that says “free door.”

In my book, Mind Change, one of the key principles is that in every situation there is a right and spiritual way to think. That is another way of saying that whatever our circumstances, God always provides a “free door” that can be opened to lead us to a right and better way of thinking. In our most confusing and difficult moments we can find something God promised or something Jesus said , or just Jesus himself, who can take us through the difficulty. And it is free, a gift of his grace. Thanks be to God for free doors.

Focus Scripture


John 10:1-10 NKJV

1 “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who does not enter the sheepfold by the door, but climbs up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber. 2 But he who enters by the door is the shepherd of the sheep. 3 To him the doorkeeper opens, and the sheep hear his voice; and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4 And when he brings out his own sheep, he goes before them; and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice. 5 Yet they will by no means follow a stranger, but will flee from him, for they do not know the voice of strangers.” 6 Jesus used this illustration, but they did not understand the things which He spoke to them.

7 Then Jesus said to them again, “Most assuredly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. 8 All who ever came before Me[a] are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not hear them. 9 I am the door. If anyone enters by Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. 10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.